The Cardigan Diaries

Yoga Retreat!!

2005-07-12T10:31:00.000-07:00

Finally a destiny revealed, or so it seems!! Liz told me about a retreat in Austin ( livingyoga.com) and I am psyched, we will be taking this in about
a year or so, nine days of living, learning and growing. We put our brains
together ( which UNBELIEVABLY happened sans sake) and we
realized our gifts...me a masseus, Yoga fanatic, meditation practitioner, Liz an Aikido fanatic, Yoga fanatic,meditatiton practioner....why not work towards our own Yoga, Meditation, Aikido and Massage studio. That
was a brainer...right? lol I am completely psyched! We will get our certification as Yoga instructors in Austin and finally do something we
really love. It is really awesome to see your goals and dreams come
into view right before your eyes. I realize that I do have a purpose in
life and it is refreshing to know that.

Off vacation, back to work and starting school

2005-07-06T14:02:00.000-07:00

Alright, I am posting a blog once again. I actually keep up my blog ranting on http://myspace.com/cardigandiary but unfortunately they are down with website
maintenance....so here I am. July 4th was great, spent sometime with Liz and
went to see the fireworks show at Grapevine Lake with Liz, Michael( her bro),
my two kids. Got bit twice by fireants though....paying dearly for that one.
I am allergic to those bastards! I was on a two week vacation ( june10th
thru the 24th, my kids are with me for the summer) and am now back to work,
getting back into the swing of things. The sad part is that I actually
MISSED work, strange thing about being orange blooded I guess. I am
missing adult contact, my kids take up most of my time, and rightfully so,
I love them tremendously, but I seriously need adult contact and communication.
I am not so great at playing mommy, I hide it well though ;) My kids are
going back to Ohio this Sunday....I will miss them alot.
I am making a moving transition at the end of July, a little scared...but excited
and feeling like I am making the right decision. I am moving in with Liz and her
mother Sharon. I feel like this is the right thing to do right now in the transition
of my life. I am looking for a peaceful and accepting home. I am now living with my
mom and she is a wonderful person, she has some hang ups about accepting people
that do not share her views and I feel like I am getting suffocated spiritually. I
look forward to beginning this new chapter in my life. The scared part of my feelings on this move is that.....I really do NOT have a home to call my own...you know...my own home. I am living with my mom....living with my best friend. Since the divorce, I stayed in my own apartment briefly, until my mom wanted me to move in with her....to help me in my schooling...she did not want me living on my own, to be honest. It is that motherly thing of keeping the child safe, I guess.....or perhaps playing devil's advocate, it is a control thing, that she is very good at. Seeing that I have new found freedom and not wanting me to mess my life up with the partying. I completely respect the way she would feel.
I started my massage therapy school last night, we are starting with the tech classes, hands on approach and lectures. The instructor is a Reiki Master, she will be teaching us ALOT of different things that have to do with grounding and energy...helkps when you are a massage practioner.....you are helping those heal themselves...by releasing your energy into them thorugh massage. She actually mentioned something very interesting to the class. I have experienced a release during a massage ( release usually happens during deep tissue massage, it can come in the form of crying or laughing). She said your muscles have memories, through past trauma...whether is be mental or physical, deep tissue massage has been known to make people give a release. She said this will happen on a regular basis and to accept it. I think that is awesome. It almost makes me feel enlightened in a way. Like I am contributing to making someone heal themselves. I cannot imagine a profession that could be anymore fullfilling than that. I truly think I have found my place.

Please don't harm the kittens!!

2005-06-20T21:25:00.000-07:00

I probably spent thirty minutes straight out laughing at this picture! OMG this is some real real sick funny stuff....LOL

Here is my space! :)

2005-06-17T16:01:00.000-07:00

Check me out!

Road to Enlightenment

2005-06-17T15:07:00.000-07:00

This is the road to enlightenment
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just fuck off and leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you' re going to steal your neighbour' s milk, that' s the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It' s not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don' t be irreplaceable. If you can' t be replaced, you can' t be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you' re unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares whether you' re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you' re a mile away and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don' t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don' t have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.
16. Don' t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with men. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don' t get until just after you need it.

Michael Jackson Acquitted???

2005-06-16T10:11:00.000-07:00

Ok, WTF??? I am a wee bit shocked. Though I figured, because of his celeb status and high paid attorney's, it would probably happen. Ya know, it would be nice to be a big celeb, I could kill, molest children, do drugs....get caught doing drugs a thousand times over, drive while drunk...possibly even killing a child or family in the process and absolutely rule the world all at the same time. Celebs still have it made people!! amazing

The Past 15 years of my Life

2005-06-02T10:15:00.000-07:00

I was reading a friends blog and replied to his take on his 15 years of life, I decided to spill out my 15 in return, after all that is what friends are for.....well here it is and enjoy!

Hey, ya wanna hear the past 15 years of my life:)
15 years ago
1. Lost my virginity to some drunk frat guy that raped me
2. Got preggie by the same guy and lost the baby.
3.Went to school to major in Biology, hoping to become a Physical Therapist in Sports Medicine.
4. my parents divorced
5.I met the cocky marine corp a$$hole who would later would become my husband.
6. I became a lover of alcohol.heh

10 years ago
1.I was married.
2.my dad did not come to my wedding ( I am an only child) because he didn't give a shit.
3.moved away to Ohio, BIG MISTAKE, with my husband and experimented with drugs.
4.Almost divorced over my choice in music ( my ex is a redneck and only approves of country), and my choice of friends were not appropriate for my husband.
5. Got preggie with my gorgeous daughter and that "healed" the marriage for a little while.
6. moved back to Texas because I could NOT STAND to be in that crappy state again.
7.We lived with my mom for 18 months and got preggie again ( 9 months after I had my daughter), because my ex does not believe in birth control,
8. Moved into a rent house here locally and my ex started having numerous affiars with the girls he worked with ( unbeknowst to me).
9.Had a beautiful baby boy.

5 Years Ago
1.after a couple of years in a rent house we finally bought our first home. A brand new gorgeous home in NRH.
2.Husband began a serious affair with the girl that he would leave me for.
3.I felt like I was losing my mind because I was a stay at home mom with no friends.
4.I started working part time.
5.I started taking Interior Design classes.
6. My husband spent his time either at work or on the softball field, if I was working, he would take his girlfriend along to babysit my kids at the softball park he was playing at.

3 years ago
1.My husband woke up one day and told me he loved me but was not in love with me anymore.
2.I moved out of our new house and into an apartment with my son, my daughter stayed with her dad because she was in school.
3. my husband asked me to come back to him and that he was wrong and nothing was my fault, I then exclaimed that he had nine months( the end of my lease) for us to get marriage counseling and to start dating each other again every single weekend, just that I was not ready to move back home yet. ( he said that was too long to wait)
4. My husband decided to move back to Ohio to be with his family, children in tow.
5. Learned how to live on my own....on my own
6.Decided to go into Masssage Therapy School, while I am working full time.
7.Dated for a little while and gave up because most of the men I dated were pigs.
8.Moved in with my mom.

1 Year Ago
1. Divorced my husband, went to a wedding that same night, got completely smashed
2. Looking forward to my Massage Therapy school
3.Met my true best friend, whom I will definitely have the rest of my life!!!
4.See my kids for a summer every year
5.Living day to day.

Have no real future plans than to become a massage therapist......

Love Stories Can Really Suck!

2005-06-01T12:28:00.000-07:00

ok, my take on the love story movie phenom!! I HATE LOVE STORIES!! They all suck!! ok, I feel better. I saw The Notebook last night. Great little freakin love story, really pissed me off and made me cry! I say we should ban ALL love stories....everyone who writes a love story can die a terrible death!! LOL
This blog was done in fun and anyone reading it who A) is in love and is clouded by their own affections towards each other or B) wrote a love story
who is offended can just "deal!!!"

2005-05-26T10:27:00.000-07:00

Heh

Men Can Be Shallow

2005-05-26T09:11:00.000-07:00

I was reading a male friend's blog about women interested in men that are a$$holes......well, here is what I have to say about the weaker opposite of women....men:) Since I have gotten divorced, I have noticed that almost every single man I know or have dated are interested in purely looks.....seriously. I find it very difficult, being the age I am or having had children, or having been married, that there is this stereotype now...that I have already been spoiled and that it is acceptable for the man to come onto you within the first date....the first week....or a couple thereafter. Where has chivalry gone to?I also have noticed that if you do not look like Pam Anderson, Brittney Spears...or your typical early twenty something that you are not the sexy one the guy is looking for and most often times will be overlooked. I want tofind just one man who is not shallow, one man who has not lost his chivalry, one man who was raised right by his mother...grandmother.....whatever. One man who is not an a$$hole, like my friend's blog stated. Maybe I should move to Europe!

Forgiveness

2005-05-24T15:05:00.000-07:00

Forgiveness......a two egded sword, I think. I find it so much easier to forgive a childhood past full of pain than to forgive a most recent occurence. To emphasize on my point, a childhood through adulthood of mishaps at the hand of a parent, I don't want to bore with alot of detail, because I know almost everyone has experienced their own childhood drama with a parent or both parents..I had my share and have moved past it and I feel I have moved towards forgiveness. The problem is forgiving and going past my 11 year marriage.
I was greatly wronged by my ex and have had, still today, to get "over" the trauma it has caused me. As I have stated before in this blog, I am a person who tries to make sense out of the senseless. I have been separated for almost two years and recently I divorced this past Oct.
I have heard that it takes time to get past these things, I know this because life has not been an easy ride and I understand how things take time. It sometimes seems I am wanting to get over this whole thing, maybe sooner than I need to, and get on with my life. I have experinced alot of the "steps" of "getting on with your life", the shock, the disgust, the angriness(sp?), the sadness, the wondering why..when...and where and now am at this standstill...of almost wanting to feel sorry for myself...which is a feeling I loathe and matter of factly think is truly pathetic. This whole ordeal has made me feel like I cannot be alone "independent", a feeling that I have been told to get over and begin again....easier said than done. I would love to move past this "block" in the road of my life and yes I know patience is a virtue, but anyone who knows what I am going throughknows all too well what patience can do for you....make you crazy at times. I want to understand what exactly I am feeling, besides the fact of simple rejection, I know there is more to it. I want to know how to get to the p[lace where I can gracefully bow out...aka...let go...forgive and move on.

Hijacking Dena's blog :)

2005-05-21T22:47:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's 12:50, and here I am still awake. Supposed to be at work at 6am. Bah!

Dena has somehow managed to get a Sunday off--including the store meeting. Way to go miss "I have 6.75 hours of OT" *pffts*

LUCKY!

So now it's up to me to talk about building better health at the store meeting.
*snifs* that's okay... I can do it alone *sniffles*

So, enjoy your day off while I toil in the orange monster. Ahh well, at least I have Monday to look forward to...

Sushi and sake! Huzzah!
Liz

2005-05-20T10:30:00.000-07:00

me holding Charlie

2005-05-20T10:28:00.000-07:00

His gorgeous face!

My BIG kitty

2005-05-20T10:14:00.000-07:00

For the past nine years I have been the mother of Charlie, I consider him my first born son..ha ha ...He is a gorgeous tuxedo cat (black and white) and he weighs in at 32 pounds. I have bragging rights being his mommy....so I have posted a picture of him here. The sad misfortune
of my kitty is that everyone who has seen him is a little bit freaked out because of his size(now he is not as fat as he is a big cat, seriously) and I get numerous emails ( cartoon pics mostly) of fat cats (usualy the black and white nature >:/ ) the cat is usually belly up....looking at you with a "what are you looking at" face. Charlie is always sleeping behind me on my bed and I think he probably sees these pictures and this probably hurts his feelings too!! Poor kitty...( ha ha )
I also have a half bobcat, half domestic little girl called "Tinker" aka Tinkerbell (aptly named by my daughter ). She is about a year and a half, absolutely gorgeous little lover of a cat. I will take a pic and post it on my blog soon. Anyway, enough of my ravings....heeeeeeeerrrrrrs Charlie!

My artworks

2005-05-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

I am a third generation artist, so I decided to share some of my art with you here. My next painting is in the works, I need inspiration!! Any help would be appreciated. The medium is a
wooden gate made of fence panels. The poor thing is just collecting dust in my garage.

2005-05-19T09:26:00.000-07:00

another painting I did of a sundial.:)

2005-05-19T09:25:00.000-07:00

A pastel painting I did last year...a view of the ocean at night with the waves hitting the rocks below. I have never titled this painting.

2005-05-19T09:22:00.000-07:00

My bunny mosaic

2005-05-15T16:16:00.000-07:00

Just Crazy Little Me

Why I don't want to take Aikido

2005-05-14T14:06:00.000-07:00

Ok, I will say, first of all....before I get flamed for this post. Aikido is a wonderful martial arts and it contributes to your soul...well being...yada yada yada. I am not a fan of getting my butt thrown around and getting bruises ( quite visible to the naked eye) on my body, muscle aching like they should never do. I am not the type of person who wants to get tossed onto the floor over and over. NOW, I do understand, thanks to the ever present Aikido fanatic best friend of mine, Liz :),
the upside of Aikido. ( If you want to know what they are...please visit her blog (which is in my links section below.)
I write about this today...BECAUSE....everytime we are out together, which is almost everyday ( we also work together), she places this horrible guilt trip on me, calls me a wuss ( which we both know I am not), and starts in on...."if you were truly a friend...you would be in this new adventure with me" blah blah blah. Enough of the Aikido pressure!! Death to the pressure!!!!! >:? I will not do this......NOW, on the other hand, I have been wanting to take Tai Chi.....the reason why it is not a popular bit of conversation is because one does not get the crap knocked out of them and bruises just don't happen. (HaYah!!) It is a Soulful, graceful martial art that I am definitely looking into. I am also a Yoga fiend. So, now I have poured myself once again onto this blog....and I am sure flames will pop up out of the blue. I will never surrender!!!!!!!!!!!

Why are they all married??

2005-05-11T23:10:00.000-07:00

Alright, here is my ravings.......why are the good ones always married?
It seems wrong that I would be enamored by a married man, after all,
I left my ex because he was having several affairs. I don't get this.
My mystery married man and I flirt continously. I feel a little bit bad about it,
but not enough to stop. I guess the old saying, "you want what you cannot get",
applies to me as well. I never wanted to be apart of this little rendevous, but
neverthelesss, it has happened. I actually judge men that I meet, who are
quite single, by the looks and character matching that of my mystery married
man. Truly pathetic but truly true. What is a girl to do??
Through these many happenings, I have learned a valuable lesson, though,
( I try to make sense of out senseless things) never pass judgement upon
another, it just may come back to haunt you!I must get over
this feeling, but it is very hard to do. If only I could hate this person, perhaps
I would go on with my little life. I must must must find reasons to hate him...
ha ha. Yes, I hear the laughter now.