Please don't harm the kittens!!

I probably spent thirty minutes straight out laughing at this picture! OMG this is some real real sick funny stuff....LOL

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Road to Enlightenment

This is the road to enlightenment
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact just fuck off and leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you' re going to steal your neighbour' s milk, that' s the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It' s not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. Don' t be irreplaceable. If you can' t be replaced, you can' t be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you' re unique. Just like everyone else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares whether you' re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you' re a mile away and you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don' t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don' t have to remember anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.
16. Don' t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
21. There are two theories to arguing with men. Neither one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don' t get until just after you need it.

Michael Jackson Acquitted???

Ok, WTF??? I am a wee bit shocked. Though I figured, because of his celeb status and high paid attorney's, it would probably happen. Ya know, it would be nice to be a big celeb, I could kill, molest children, do drugs....get caught doing drugs a thousand times over, drive while drunk...possibly even killing a child or family in the process and absolutely rule the world all at the same time. Celebs still have it made people!! amazing

The Past 15 years of my Life

I was reading a friends blog and replied to his take on his 15 years of life, I decided to spill out my 15 in return, after all that is what friends are for.....well here it is and enjoy!

Hey, ya wanna hear the past 15 years of my life:)
15 years ago
1. Lost my virginity to some drunk frat guy that raped me
2. Got preggie by the same guy and lost the baby.
3.Went to school to major in Biology, hoping to become a Physical Therapist in Sports Medicine.
4. my parents divorced
5.I met the cocky marine corp a$$hole who would later would become my husband.
6. I became a lover of alcohol.heh

10 years ago
1.I was married.
2.my dad did not come to my wedding ( I am an only child) because he didn't give a shit.
3.moved away to Ohio, BIG MISTAKE, with my husband and experimented with drugs.
4.Almost divorced over my choice in music ( my ex is a redneck and only approves of country), and my choice of friends were not appropriate for my husband.
5. Got preggie with my gorgeous daughter and that "healed" the marriage for a little while.
6. moved back to Texas because I could NOT STAND to be in that crappy state again.
7.We lived with my mom for 18 months and got preggie again ( 9 months after I had my daughter), because my ex does not believe in birth control,
8. Moved into a rent house here locally and my ex started having numerous affiars with the girls he worked with ( unbeknowst to me).
9.Had a beautiful baby boy.

5 Years Ago
1.after a couple of years in a rent house we finally bought our first home. A brand new gorgeous home in NRH.
2.Husband began a serious affair with the girl that he would leave me for.
3.I felt like I was losing my mind because I was a stay at home mom with no friends.
4.I started working part time.
5.I started taking Interior Design classes.
6. My husband spent his time either at work or on the softball field, if I was working, he would take his girlfriend along to babysit my kids at the softball park he was playing at.

3 years ago
1.My husband woke up one day and told me he loved me but was not in love with me anymore.
2.I moved out of our new house and into an apartment with my son, my daughter stayed with her dad because she was in school.
3. my husband asked me to come back to him and that he was wrong and nothing was my fault, I then exclaimed that he had nine months( the end of my lease) for us to get marriage counseling and to start dating each other again every single weekend, just that I was not ready to move back home yet. ( he said that was too long to wait)
4. My husband decided to move back to Ohio to be with his family, children in tow.
5. Learned how to live on my own....on my own
6.Decided to go into Masssage Therapy School, while I am working full time.
7.Dated for a little while and gave up because most of the men I dated were pigs.
8.Moved in with my mom.

1 Year Ago
1. Divorced my husband, went to a wedding that same night, got completely smashed
2. Looking forward to my Massage Therapy school
3.Met my true best friend, whom I will definitely have the rest of my life!!!
4.See my kids for a summer every year
5.Living day to day.

Have no real future plans than to become a massage therapist......

Love Stories Can Really Suck!

ok, my take on the love story movie phenom!! I HATE LOVE STORIES!! They all suck!! ok, I feel better. I saw The Notebook last night. Great little freakin love story, really pissed me off and made me cry! I say we should ban ALL love stories....everyone who writes a love story can die a terrible death!! LOL
This blog was done in fun and anyone reading it who A) is in love and is clouded by their own affections towards each other or B) wrote a love story
who is offended can just "deal!!!"